We are indeed possibly hard-wired to compete and compare, but if so, this 'natural' behaviour is stoked throughout our lives by first, education, then work. When aged eight to eleven, my teacher had our desks arranged from first row, front seat where the child who was 'top' sat, snaking up and down the aisles, to the kids at the bottom of the class (where I sat). The teacher told us that we bottom five or six children would all fail miserably at life, would work as road sweepers or in factories. It did not seem as if there much we could do to escape this fate, we had failed, were useless, might as well go eat worms. Capitalism thrives on competition, though the game is rigged. The great benefit of success and failure viewed through the lens of sport is that this is easily measurable; unlike many of the arts. This year there has been at least one meme floating about on social media that questions why Coldplay are headlining Glastonbury for the fifth or sixth time - the point being, why are they SO successful when not everyone would agree. Success could be measured (it used to be) by record sales, now results are far more amorphous: are Coldplay so well-liked they will draw more people to Glastonbury than other bands? The winning poems in the National Poetry Competition are often discussed with derision and questioned, 'Call that a poem?! That's not a poem. It doesn't even say anything!' These are immeasurable.
Despite (not because of) my junior school teacher's forecast for my future, I have been trying to succeed as a writer for decades, part of me says it would be wise to stop. It invites me to see a nice future where I'm not spending hour upon hour writing, not cast down into the depths of disappointment by another rejection. Another part, maybe it's a demon of addiction, just won't stop. Another says, 'Well, if I'm not that, what am I?!' This is the psychic equivalent of water spilled on the Wicked Witch of the West - the result is annihilation... or feels like it.
Thanks, Jo. I think it depends on your expectations. If your measure of what you do is a certain type of result, then your "success" (or not) is tied to that. You're right that the typical measure of success in most Western societies is tied to money, recognition, fame, etc, and that this is a result of the capitalist/neoliberal shaping of society – at least, that's one shaping force. But even if the measure is qualitative rather than quantitative – someone's appreciation of what you do – then that is as out of your control as financial reward or book sales. I'm not a Stoic, but I think they have a good point here: you should not make your self-esteem or happiness dependent on things which are outside of your control. I guess this means just doing something for its own sake – which is hard, I know. But that doesn't invalidate the point, I think.
I love this. I find myself particularly fond of people who do things just for the love of it. I used to be a perfectionist (I can't believe I can actually say that now!) and have had to get over my fear of failure in order to be able to create things that are even a little bit good. Because of course, the irony of being terrified to fail is that often it means you end up doing nothing at all.
A friend and I have a habit of coming up with a "word of the year" each year which we're going to hold in mind and try to live by. A few years ago I had two words of the year: 'build' and 'imperfection.' When I first came up with them I had no intention of them being linked, but throughout the year I found they drew closer and closer together, and by the end of the year I'd created a few things (one of which you've read!) which, although certainly imperfect, existed much more than the preceding ideas I'd been too scared to try.
Though "work without anxiety" in today's world sounds... hard....
Thanks, Scar. That's the true meaning of "amateur", isn't it? Someone who does it for the love of it.
Yes, I suffer from perfectionism too. I think it stems from the justifiable and understandable desire to improve, and the fear of not being good enough. The latter probably stems from everything we've been told since childhood onward that we've internalised - Julia Cameron writes well about this in The Artist's Way.
As for "working without anxiety", I'm not sure that's possible. But if it's the right kind of anxiety, then that can actually be a good thing. When I'm writing, I often get up and pace the room agitatedly - someone watching would probably think I was upset about something. Nietzsche says somewhere that the idea of "letting it all hang out" in terms of creative freedom is a myth. What looks like spontaneous expression is actually the result of skills and attitudes we have mastered and have now become unconscious. Creativity is a form of tension. So maybe we need anxiety. But you probably just meant the general political swing to the right, right! :)
Thank you, Büşra! Yes, I think most societies now push us to achieve - it's not just enough to exist and be happy - and so we must always look to "better" ourselves (which usually means earn money for the "machine"!). Not that I have that problem (earning money, I mean)...
No, I haven't seen Mozart L'opera Rock! What's that?
We are influenced by society's view of happiness. Perhaps happiness is overrated, and there's something in between. I recommend watching this musical about Mozart and Salieri. It's really good. Here's the full opera:
Thank you! I will watch it and let you know what I think.
Yes, "happiness" is not enough. I think the Greek philosophers had a better understanding of it - which they called "eudaimonia", which is broader and deeper than our modern notion.
Yes, thank you for reminding me of that concept Aristotle discusses in Nicomachean Ethics. I had forgotten its meaning and need to revisit it. Also, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the musical.
I'm afraid I'm not a huge fan of musicals. Maybe that's because I'm a bit old fashioned or picky in my musical tastes. My daughter is a huge fan, and dragged me along to see Six, which is about the wives of Henry VIII. I enjoyed it a lot - it was funny and clever, and I'm always amazed by the talent involved. But it's not something I would go to see by choice.
I think I feel the same about the Mozart musical. It looks incredible, and the stage design and costumes are wonderful, and I am awestruck by the talent of the singers. But - apart from the Mozart itself! - I'm not really a fan of that style of music (which is very storytelling based). I think I'd prefer to see a play or listen to a concert! :) But thank you for sharing. It's all subjective.
Thank you for your comment on the Mozart musical! I understand everyone has different opinions about art. For me, I enjoy it because of the beautiful visuals and the lovely music. Art is very subjective, and that makes it interesting :)
I enjoyed that, G, reminds me of a poem of yours - a last line about being paid in coal… simply fuel to keep writing … I have it somewhere, il dig it out!
Cheers, Al. Yes, I remember that poem! I think that might have been the best line in it. Oh, and if it ever sees public light of day by your hand, I will hunt you down.
We are indeed possibly hard-wired to compete and compare, but if so, this 'natural' behaviour is stoked throughout our lives by first, education, then work. When aged eight to eleven, my teacher had our desks arranged from first row, front seat where the child who was 'top' sat, snaking up and down the aisles, to the kids at the bottom of the class (where I sat). The teacher told us that we bottom five or six children would all fail miserably at life, would work as road sweepers or in factories. It did not seem as if there much we could do to escape this fate, we had failed, were useless, might as well go eat worms. Capitalism thrives on competition, though the game is rigged. The great benefit of success and failure viewed through the lens of sport is that this is easily measurable; unlike many of the arts. This year there has been at least one meme floating about on social media that questions why Coldplay are headlining Glastonbury for the fifth or sixth time - the point being, why are they SO successful when not everyone would agree. Success could be measured (it used to be) by record sales, now results are far more amorphous: are Coldplay so well-liked they will draw more people to Glastonbury than other bands? The winning poems in the National Poetry Competition are often discussed with derision and questioned, 'Call that a poem?! That's not a poem. It doesn't even say anything!' These are immeasurable.
Despite (not because of) my junior school teacher's forecast for my future, I have been trying to succeed as a writer for decades, part of me says it would be wise to stop. It invites me to see a nice future where I'm not spending hour upon hour writing, not cast down into the depths of disappointment by another rejection. Another part, maybe it's a demon of addiction, just won't stop. Another says, 'Well, if I'm not that, what am I?!' This is the psychic equivalent of water spilled on the Wicked Witch of the West - the result is annihilation... or feels like it.
Thanks, Jo. I think it depends on your expectations. If your measure of what you do is a certain type of result, then your "success" (or not) is tied to that. You're right that the typical measure of success in most Western societies is tied to money, recognition, fame, etc, and that this is a result of the capitalist/neoliberal shaping of society – at least, that's one shaping force. But even if the measure is qualitative rather than quantitative – someone's appreciation of what you do – then that is as out of your control as financial reward or book sales. I'm not a Stoic, but I think they have a good point here: you should not make your self-esteem or happiness dependent on things which are outside of your control. I guess this means just doing something for its own sake – which is hard, I know. But that doesn't invalidate the point, I think.
I love this. I find myself particularly fond of people who do things just for the love of it. I used to be a perfectionist (I can't believe I can actually say that now!) and have had to get over my fear of failure in order to be able to create things that are even a little bit good. Because of course, the irony of being terrified to fail is that often it means you end up doing nothing at all.
A friend and I have a habit of coming up with a "word of the year" each year which we're going to hold in mind and try to live by. A few years ago I had two words of the year: 'build' and 'imperfection.' When I first came up with them I had no intention of them being linked, but throughout the year I found they drew closer and closer together, and by the end of the year I'd created a few things (one of which you've read!) which, although certainly imperfect, existed much more than the preceding ideas I'd been too scared to try.
Though "work without anxiety" in today's world sounds... hard....
Thanks, Scar. That's the true meaning of "amateur", isn't it? Someone who does it for the love of it.
Yes, I suffer from perfectionism too. I think it stems from the justifiable and understandable desire to improve, and the fear of not being good enough. The latter probably stems from everything we've been told since childhood onward that we've internalised - Julia Cameron writes well about this in The Artist's Way.
As for "working without anxiety", I'm not sure that's possible. But if it's the right kind of anxiety, then that can actually be a good thing. When I'm writing, I often get up and pace the room agitatedly - someone watching would probably think I was upset about something. Nietzsche says somewhere that the idea of "letting it all hang out" in terms of creative freedom is a myth. What looks like spontaneous expression is actually the result of skills and attitudes we have mastered and have now become unconscious. Creativity is a form of tension. So maybe we need anxiety. But you probably just meant the general political swing to the right, right! :)
Anyway, let us raise a glass to imperfection! :)
I enjoy your writing on failure. I am thinking about fear of failure these days. Have you watched Mozart L'opera Rock musical?
Thank you, Büşra! Yes, I think most societies now push us to achieve - it's not just enough to exist and be happy - and so we must always look to "better" ourselves (which usually means earn money for the "machine"!). Not that I have that problem (earning money, I mean)...
No, I haven't seen Mozart L'opera Rock! What's that?
We are influenced by society's view of happiness. Perhaps happiness is overrated, and there's something in between. I recommend watching this musical about Mozart and Salieri. It's really good. Here's the full opera:
https://youtu.be/OfdnnheqQcw?si=M9-xaApjCyPI0Y9Y
Thank you! I will watch it and let you know what I think.
Yes, "happiness" is not enough. I think the Greek philosophers had a better understanding of it - which they called "eudaimonia", which is broader and deeper than our modern notion.
Yes, thank you for reminding me of that concept Aristotle discusses in Nicomachean Ethics. I had forgotten its meaning and need to revisit it. Also, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the musical.
I'm afraid I'm not a huge fan of musicals. Maybe that's because I'm a bit old fashioned or picky in my musical tastes. My daughter is a huge fan, and dragged me along to see Six, which is about the wives of Henry VIII. I enjoyed it a lot - it was funny and clever, and I'm always amazed by the talent involved. But it's not something I would go to see by choice.
I think I feel the same about the Mozart musical. It looks incredible, and the stage design and costumes are wonderful, and I am awestruck by the talent of the singers. But - apart from the Mozart itself! - I'm not really a fan of that style of music (which is very storytelling based). I think I'd prefer to see a play or listen to a concert! :) But thank you for sharing. It's all subjective.
Thank you for your comment on the Mozart musical! I understand everyone has different opinions about art. For me, I enjoy it because of the beautiful visuals and the lovely music. Art is very subjective, and that makes it interesting :)
great essay, many tnx!
Thank you, my friend. :)
I enjoyed that, G, reminds me of a poem of yours - a last line about being paid in coal… simply fuel to keep writing … I have it somewhere, il dig it out!
Cheers, Al. Yes, I remember that poem! I think that might have been the best line in it. Oh, and if it ever sees public light of day by your hand, I will hunt you down.